H8?

Today I found out that I was posted on someone's Blog after tracing a comment which compared me to another YT dancer (from what I can tell the Blog is like a gossip column for YouTube dancers). Curious, I had a look to find that the owner had 'rated' my dance videos, (or one of them at least) giving me a two out of five, but saying she hoped I improved. This was fair enough - people are entitled to their own opinions and although publishing them on her site may not be the most noble of moves, some of her criticism such as finding a less cramped area to dance in, was constructive.

What shocked me was the wave of slightly spiteful quips other girls, all of them in the J/K-pop dancing scene decided to post, not just about me, but a wide range of young girls from all over the world, which the host agreed with. These then spiralled off into other peoples Blogs and posts. I found comments about my clothes, about my room, my hair etc. The original host said to curl it. Hard when you lack curlers and your hair is naturally straight. But it was these digs that made me think about why I decided to YouTube the dances I did. To get thicker skin. Comments only have as much power as you give them. There is no 'right ' way to do anything. Although my nature is to react being Autistic and all, and also having to battle with my mental health daily, I'm slowly learning to roll with the punches. (Having a job in a place were we get phycotic, crazy parents everyday helps too).

It's a brave thing, posting anything on the internet. I would NEVER post anything bad about someone who bares their soul for all to see. Especially when, in the few minutes that people are watching your video, you are letting them in a part of your life; your room/home/personal space, your body and clothes, your personality and what you love is all there for completely random strangers to see.

I think things, but I'm human and entitled to my thoughts, even though they'd best be kept private for fear of hurting someone's feelings when all they do is have fun. As I looked at other posts about other girls my heart sank - many it is fair to say, were not complementary.

Girls are cynical creatures.
Yes. I'm autistic, and have been at the receiving end of taunts, bullying, cyberbullying, pranks gone too far etc, and have been injured emotionally and physically. At times it's hard to tell which hurt more. This isn't some sob story post, or sympathetic cry for help, but genuine observations and (although typed) almost a questioning conversation. You're still reading - either you are a YouTuber, are one of the taunters or your interest has been raised. Either way, I hope you continue.

Anyway, my gist is I know what it's like to have people gossip behind your back, and have snide comments thrown your way every day for being different. But everyone on that Blog was a YT dancer (or part of the scene) and fed on the first scrap of criticism, turning it into something nasty. One girl whom I have spoken online with and seemed pleasant enough was ripped apart by haters (or 'trolls'?) for doing some minor things 'wrong' with her videos. Another put down a clearly talented girl's singing voice. Usually I'd say it was jealousy, such as in Beckii Cruel's case (if you don't like her videos, don't watch?) but this seems different. It's like those with less happiness and success need to put down others. As in life, as in the internet.

So far, almost all of the YT dancers I have met have been lovely, well rounded people. True, we're not all professional dancers, but do we need to be? I started dancing and posting the videos online because my friends were doing it and I ENJOYED it. Still do. I knew that the posts about my videos would be ranging from praise to plain hate, and when I was brave enough to turn on comments on my videos I prepared myself. I still haven't turned on ratings and probably never will; why put myself through extra turmoil? I'm sensitive as it is, and the Asbergers doesn't help. I'll do what I feel comfortable doing.

There is now a pressure in this community which I never felt before - the pressure to do better than all your rivals and even friends. During the Kawaii Star Of The Year 2011 Finals, I was hurt to find out some people who were polite to my face wrote many disgustingly inappropriate comments. Why? Because they watched my video and wanted to put their views across? They wanted to be in my position? Or they just saw me and thought that I wouldn't be affected by what they put. That it was harmless fun. Disliking my entry video was easy. Threatening my life and family was just a fun game.

The anonymity of the internet both empowers us and compels us to do things and say things we usually wouldn't. Maybe they were stressed, angry, bored, etc. But how was that a consolation to me at the time? If they looked back at the comments, would they take them back and appologise? Feel they were justified? Or still feel apathetic about the whole issue?

I dance mostly in my room - colour scheme being black and white. I try to do unsually, lesser done dances and jazz my room's walls up with colourful scarves, plushies, flowers etc so was disappointed to see that someone thought it was too lack-luster. Somebody else thought I overdid it. Dear starry heavens above. The phrase "You Can't Please Everybody" springs into mind.

 I try, that's all I can do. Same with the room being cramped - I'd love a bigger house, with a massive room, loads of natural light and no distractions to film the perfect dance, but for now I deal with what I have and can afford with my rent. I've listened to comments saying about better camera angles, and I sorted that problem as they really is no great place to put the camera (I'm going to invest in a stand. Soon. I promise). But some things no one can fix and I try to focus more on the dance side.

(Found this randomly. Thought I'd add it in.)

Technically I can wear whatever I want because those are my videos and sure, I maybe wouldn't wear a few of them outside on the street in the slum of Hampshire, but this is FUN for me. I like the adrenaline rush of dancing and posting, and I get a lot of enjoyment learning a new dance and getting a tricky step right. I can't change my bedroom or help the areas where I dance sometimes, but I do like the freedom to wear crazy stuff XD As I said before, these girls are into J/K culture and music, and maybe wear the more outlandish fashions and Cosplay. Abuse for what we wear is all to common, and I let stoopids be stoopids, but to get hate from people who get it themselves? This sounds all too similar to a playground bully, who when they leave the comforting power they hold and school and enter the real world, fall apart.

I love picking crazy outfits - the liberty of the internet always thrills me and transforms me into my alter ego as you will. Each video I make is personal and I put a bit of my creativity and personality into it. Many 'normal' people will WTF but those who also wear outlandish and 'different' clothes I feel should be more tolerant. It's like they picked on something, anything, to make the videos seem silly. Maybe they do think the outfits are bad, but how can they "ruin" a dance? I like them, and many people have commented directly or inboxed me saying they like them too. I'm not going to suddenly change because someone feels what I wear is silly or 'unconnected'. In what day and age should we suddenly CONFORM and be like everyone else? You get complaints if you "copy", you get complaints if you are too "different" so that happy medium is the mediocrity that's been done before.

I have a feeling also that age has something to do with it.
Teens probably spent more time that anyone trawling the internet, and with the world as it is, anything to give us a bit more control in our lives and uncertain futures makes us feel better. Possibly, this includes insulting someone.

I've been told I'm quite mature for my age as I had to grow up quite fast, and I find that it is a waste of time telling someone to "*%$£@*&" for no reason, and even if there is reason, just don't do it. Be smarter with yourself. You can't sweat the things you cant change, and if it's not hurting anyone, just leave people who annoy you be. You don't think about them, they don't bother you. Duh. Adults can also be childish (my gosh I've met a few) but the majority of good people will not sink to a level of insulting people anonymously or even publically because they don't understand something or because they feel like it. It sounds silly when someone puts it that way doesn't it?

So why are we as a community of dancers slagging off people we should be supporting, or if you REALLY can't stand them, leaving them be? Learning and performing can be a big step for young people, and confidence should be gained from your peers with support, praise and CONSTRUCTIVE criticism i.e. a bit sharper here rather than YOU SUCK! But as humans, we also have an overpowering desire to be the best and feel good about ourselves. Anonymously posting on the internet and hate sites is one way of doing that. But behind every dancer is a person with a social/familial life and insecurities like anyone else. They may laugh at the comments or shrug them off, and kudos to them (I bet the haters couldn't do that unless they really were a pretty bad person and apathetic). But still, deep down inside, you've hurt someone for your own ego. We forget to "treat people as we would like to be treated". I hope that one day, the community will band together more, that would make it truly great.

Here is a picture of a bird.